Weird Questions

There is no such thing as a bad question, except for when I ask them because I ask them deliberately.

The questions I ask close friends and family members aren’t bad bad, they’re just really really weird and often asked for reasons not readily apparent to whom I’m asking. I’m going to throw out a couple of my patented weird questions and the reason why I ask them, then I’ll throw out just a series of weird questions.

What’s the largest tent you’ve seen that wasn’t on display?

This is a two-for-one question. Firstly, it gauges how sarcastic someone is feeling at the present moment: if the answer is “circus tent’ or any variation thereof, the askee is feeling particularly sassy if they are a sassy person. Any other answer means they’re probably in an OK mood. Secondly, if they can’t answer this question that means they don’t get out much. Large tents can be found in tons of places; the circus (obviously), school sporting events, campsites, trade expos, outdoor events, etc. If they can’t answer this question, they prefer to stay inside.

What if your blood turned into bees?

This gauges how literal minded someone is. The literal answer is that they would be dead, usually when I get this answer I’m being more than a little annoying. Any answer that follows the correct logic (yes, there is correct logic in this scenario) takes into consideration the assumption this transformation doesn’t immediately kill you deader than dead. Abstract thinkers can come up with some very interesting answers to this question.

Now I’m going to throw out some more weird questions, only without my reasons for them existing. Find someone you trust to deal with your bullshit and ask them one, preferably late at night.

What is the worst movie you’ve ever seen? Follow up: what is the worst movie you’d seen to avoid watching the worst movie you’ve ever seen?

What if, instead of blood plasma, you had honey? Like, your hemoglobin and red blood cells still work and everything, you just have honey in your veins.

What is the least amount of money you’d shave your head for? or, if they already have a bald/shaven head: what is the least amount of money you’d tattoo your head for?

If you were a god, would you create a stone you couldn’t lift just to see if you could?

Would you wear a suit made out of money? You can’t spend any of it.

How would you feel if all your socks were those toe socks?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?

If you had a boat with infinite space but only three rooms, which three fruit would you put on it? One fruit per room, prepared in the method of your choosing.

If you could get away with it, would you push *insert celebrity/politician here* down a flight of infinite stairs?

Who is the last person you’d murder?